Holiday Etiquette 101

It's the most wonderful time of the year. The holiday season has arrived. The anticipation of family traditions, parties and fellow-shipping with friends draws near to our hearts. The thought of gathering together for those fabulous Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners makes us all start drooling. As we travel over the river and through the woods, there may be some anxiety and issues that start surfacing. For some of us, there will be some tense family moments. For example, we have grown to laugh at/with a senior member of my family who always brings up the subject of weight and "have we lost any?" and "are we getting enough exercise?" You know what I'm talking about!

Although we cannot control what family members say or how they act toward us, we can choose to act and respond by keeping our conversations as polite and positive as possible, using the scriptures as our guide. Colossians 4:6 says "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person." This should be our foundation for using good manners during those stressed holiday moments with family and friends.

If a public conversation becomes tense or embarrassing because a family member chooses to bring up controversial issues, one option would be to ask to have a private conversation with that person at a later time. It is not worth getting everyone upset and making it where no one wants to come back next year.

• Try to avoid talking about controversial subjects unless you know that everyone around the table can contribute to the discussion in a mature and non threatening way.
• Avoid talking about yours or others' ailments or sicknesses. Those are very important matters but maybe not for the family meal.
• Avoid being publically critical and negative of other family members and friends even if you disapprove of their lifestyles, careers, spouses or girlfriends or boyfriends.
• To make your family dinner more meaningful, turn off the TV and cell phones. Do not bring your cell phone to the dinner table and make your children abide by this too!

This year, let's remember what the season is all about, to honor those we love and to glorify and celebrate Christ with our hearts, minds and actions.

Have a very blessed holiday season.

Do The Right Thing and Return Those Phone Calls

The following blog has been published in the Metro Christian Living Magazine- August 2010

Have you ever wondered why people don't return phone calls? Well I have and because of some of my experiences, I have come to the conclusion that is extremely inconsiderate not to return calls. It's gotten to the point where I hate leaving phone messages on people's voice mail because I really can't trust that they will call me back. I have even caught myself being very anxious, hoping and praying that they will return my phone call! I am now almost only sending emails because I know that I will usually get an answer. I have gotten so excited when people (especially in business) have taken the time to return my phone calls that I make a big deal about it to them and let them know how much it means to me that they returned my call. How many answering voice mails have I heard that say that the person that I am calling is out of the office or unavailable but if I leave a message, they will call me back..... and I never hear from them? Too many!!

Sometimes it is easier to send emails, I will admit, but there are times when I really need to have a person to person voice conversation over the phone.

Some reasons why we might not return phone calls include:

1. We are so technologically driven these days. I think that many of us will agee that we are fast replacing person to person, face to face interaction with the internet and emails. Since we are all "velcro-ed" to our computers and the internet, it is sometimes more convenient to send emails back and forth.. and maybe it is because we want to avoid talking over the phone to the other person. We may be avoiding a conflict or talking about unpleasant circumstances. You can always tell if your are replacing voice to voice conversation with using email if you can answer the question, "Would I say the same thing to this person voice to voice/person to person as I am typing to them?"

2. We get busy. Yeah, yeah, that's the big excuse of the universe! Everyone is busy so it really isn't an excuse. You know as well as I do that you make time for what is really important to you.

3. You don't want to talk to the other person that called- being selfish and uncaring. You just blow them off. I tell you, in business (and friendships), blowing off people will get you absolutely NOWHERE! People do not appreciate being blown off and they will not have a favorable impression of you.

4. Having someone screen your phone calls- If someone is screening your calls, you do not have an excuse to not return their calls because the person who called knows that you most likely received the message. One time I called someone only to have the call screened by a person who put her hand over the phone to ask the person with whom I wanted to speak to if they wanted to talk to me. I could heare the whispers and I also heard the answer in the background which was, "tell her I am unavailable". Ouch!

When people return my phone calls it's like receiving a hand written thank you note in the mail. People just don't do it anymore, but when they do, it really makes them shine and stand out in the crowd. Returning a phone call makes the person who called you feel valued and respected and it's simply the right thing to do.

Try to return phone calls as soon as possible and after you listen to your voice mail messages please remember the Golden Rule.. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

7 Ways to Ruin Your Facebook Image

Do you want to present a public face that doesn't have the potential to hurt your image? I'm not talking about an image that portrays you being uppity or fake. But if you are looking for work or starting to develop a name for yourself, pay attention to these FB "What Not to Post Rules of Etiquette." I think they will help.

1. Posting your status update every 5 minutes- It's really fun to be on FB and to read everyone's status updates. I also enjoy reading the ones that are really funny, silly and sarcastic (humorously written), too. It keeps you up to date with what your friends are doing and thinking and we all need a little humor in our day. However, reading updates from the same person every 5 minutes is tiring and they need to think about twittering instead. It's like being in a very important meeting and having one person dominate the whole meeting with their ideas. When people constantly hear from you, they are going to get tired of you. You are wearing out your welcome. If you need to say something, wait until you have something really important to say, and say it. That way, you will get the attention of many others because they haven't heard from you in awhile.

2. Making inflamatory statements about politics- If you want to start a FB war- do this. What a great way to alienate your friends. A lot of people feel very passionate about politics. So, if you need to say something about the politics of the day, make sure to state that it is your opinion and try to welcome and be respectful of the opinions of others. When you make an inflamatory statement like "Anyone who watches (insert name here, ex- CNN, Fox News, MSNBC) is a real idiot!", people get all fired up and start commenting and arguing and then a war has started. Shame on you too, if you post a statement with the motive to provoke an argument.

3. Venting and constantly being negative- Most of us don't want to hear about arguments that you are having with your family and friends and/or organizations, so please don't share it. If you need to vent about something, send a message and vent to a good friend... not the whole world. Facebook is a great way to organize for different causes. Just try to communicate about it in a positive way. Negativity really turns off people.

4. Complaining about your job- What a great way to get your co-workers to like you- NOT! You might even get fired for saying something negative on FB about the company you work for. Some companies are fighting back with defamation law suits against workers who cause bad PR for their company. So, watch out.

5. Sharing way TMI about your life- No one wants to hear about sex or your sex life for you status update! Nuff said.

6. Cussing and using filthy language- It's just offensive and unprofessional. Another turn- off.

7. Posting pictures of you excessively drinking and partying all the time-Ha! Ha, Really good for your employers and future employers to see! I don't know many companies that want to hire or keep people who are always seen on FB for this kind of behavior. Employers do not want to see pictures of you dressed promiscuous and making out with people all over FB either. Even though this is your private life, it really makes the company that you work for look bad.

The main point to remember is that if you would not say what you post on Facebook directly to a person's face, then do not write it on Facebook.

Sincerely,
Ms. Lydia

Horn Lake City Officials Want Residents to Pull Up Their Pants!

Baggy Pants- Horn Lake, MS

The Commercial Appeal (Jackson, MS) reports that the city's mayor and board of alderman on Tuesday agreed to begin working with the city attorney and other officials to draw up a new ordinace that would ban city residents for wearing sagging, revealing, low slung pants. Officials say they have noticed an increase in male residents wearing excessively baggy britches that expose their underwear- a fashion faux pas that needs to come to an end.

What do ya'll think about that?

Ms. Lydia

The "Dumbing Down" of Graduation Ceremonies

It's time for the annual graduations to begin. My two daughters recently attended their high school's graduation to celebrate with some of their friends who were marching. Talk about celebrating, they quickly reminded me from hearing their stories afterwards, how incredibly rowdy and crazy these ceremonies have become. It was three years ago that our family attended my son's high school graduation and I remember how shocked I was! We were all dressed to the nines. I wore a nice dress, heals and hose. My husband wore a coat and tie and the girls wore lovely dresses. A lot of people we saw at the ceremony were dressed that way too. However, I was taken aback by some of the outfits that were worn by attendees. I couldn't believe that there were people at the ceremony who wore jeans and t-shirts, even cut off shorts and flip flops. Really? I even saw parents of some of the graduates in jeans and shirts, dressed extremely casual. You know, I and many others believe that high school and college graduations are very special. Relatives and friends gather to see their loved ones celebrate an important accomplishment. And every person marching is wearing a lovely formal cap and gown. Some people have beautiful decorations on their gowns to celebrate a great deal of hard work and honors. Why can't people take the time to respect and to show honor to those that have worked so hard? It's a ceremony! DRESS UP! Why "dumb down" something that is supposed to honor scholastic intelligence?!

All of the definitions I've read for the word ceremony include the word -FORMAL!
Ceremony:
1. The FORMAL activities conducted on some solemn or important public or state occasion.
2. A FORMAL religious or sacred observance: A solemn rite
3. Any FORMAL act or observance
4. A gesture or act of politeness or civility

Need I say more?

And what's with all the screaming and rowdiness as graduates receive their diplomas? I am all for celebrating wonderful accomplishments but blowing really loud horns and screaming at the top of your lungs is over the top- ESPECIALLY when you have been asked not to behave like that by the school administrators who are running the ceremony! Clapping should be appropriate behavior and would even make the ceremony go faster without interruptions from the crowd.

I am not being a snob here! Parents, please set the example for your children and teach them appropriate behavior and dress for graduation ceremonies. And please, don't say that just because everyone else is dressing down and acting out, that it must be ok!

Here's to restoring formality and civility in our society today!!

Our Wife Swap Episode was on again today!

Hello everyone,
Our Wife Swap Episode was on again today! I can't believe how many times they have shown the episode and I bet everyone is pretty tired of seeing it over and over again! I am honored, though, that ABC and the Lifetime Channel has kept airing it for all these years.

It has almost been 5 years since a casting producer contacted me (after finding my website) to encourage me to apply for the show. After my family went through all the interviews and screening (criminal and drugs- ha!!) process to be on Wife Swap, it nearly took our whole summer to complete. We were worn out!!!

I wanted to say that I am so happy to have met and lived with the Haggerty's. Were they different from The Allison's? Yes. But they are truly a precious family and we have continued to know them through Face Book and telephone calls. As I said in the tv show- "There's a lot of love in that family." I know that Maureen dearly loves my children and she knows that I dearly love hers. I also know that we will ALWAYS be friends .. for the rest of our lives. Even though we are separated by many miles, one day, Tim and I plan on visiting Boston to see them, to reminisce, and to finally see the historic parts of Boston that I never got to go see while I was up there filming the show- LOL!

Our families are also very fond and continue to be friends with some of the crew members that worked and filmed the show. Me and big Danny and the boys are closest to the crew members that were up in Boston while my kids, Tim and Maureen were close to some of the crew in Starkville. It was crazy!!!

Anyway, here are some pictures I thought I would share from my experience from being on the Wife Swap TV show. As you can tell, the crew members were pretty crazy and they made my experience wonderful!

All the Best,
Ms. Lydia

I have a NEW website!!!!

Please visit my new website and let me know what you think!!! http://www.classykidsacademy.com/ or http://www.marketplacemanners.com/.
I also invite you to be a fan on FB!

I will be posting more soon!

Best,
Lydia

Etiquette Bloopers

Hello all,

Have you ever heard of the phrase "etiquette faux pas (pronounced- fo pah)? It is a phrase used to describe an embarrassing social blunder in etiquette and manners. I think the phrase sounds too kind and a little upity so I don't use that phrase. Instead, I use the phrase "etiquette blooper". And since I have taught so many children and college students it goes over well with them. To them, etiquette blooper means, "Hey, I really messed up with my manners."

I saw the biggest etiquette blooper a few months ago. It was jaw dropping! I was in the Wal Mart (we don't have a Target here) parking lot in my car and a professionally dressed middle aged woman pulled into the parking space directly in front of me so that we were looking straight at one another. She started getting something out of her purse and it looked like a toothbrush. I thought to myself, "Is that a toothbrush? Is she going to brush her teeth in the car?" Then, yes, she started to do just that except she didn't just stay in her car. Here's the jaw dropping part. She got out of her car while brushing her teeth, opened the trunk to get something all while brushing her teeth and then SPIT EVERYTHING that was in her mouth out onto the parking lot pavement! How gross! Has she no shame? She knew I saw every move!

I am not a person that condems others because they make etiquette bloopers. WE all make etiquette bloopers and most of us try to do what we need to do to correct them but this was a blooper if I ever saw one. In fact, I have NEVER seen anyone do something as tacky and distasteful as this! Now how's that for a blooper!!???

What about you? What are some etiquette bloopers you have seen (or have made)? I would love to hear your thoughts.

I'm finally blogging!

Hello,
My name is Lydia Allison. Please call me Ms. Lydia. I am very excited to be blogging and some of my good friends have encouraged me to blog about my life as an etiquette instructor and etiquette and manners in general. In 2001 I was substituting at my childrens' schools and I kept hearing several teachers talk about the need for someone in town to teach "these kids" some manners and etiquette.

I loved teaching and wanted to do more than be a substitute teacher for the rest of my life so I started brainstorming and coming up with creative and fun ways to teach kids manners and etiquette. I had the best time being creative and writing the curriculum- just trying to find fun ways to help kids understand the importance of being polite and courteous throughout their life and carrying those skills into their adulthood. After putting together my curriculum, I started asking parents if they were interested in having their children enroll in my classes. I started teaching girls ages 8-11 and right off, had enrolled 8 girls for my summer class. Shortly thereafter, parents of boys came to me and asked me to put together a curriculum for their boys! After this, my classes started to take off.

Word spread throughout my small community and pretty soon, I had parents calling and people from the nearby universities asking for help in training their students. Since I loved teaching the little ones, I created a curriculum for ages 4-7 called "Manners 4 Mini's". I love that name and this has been one of my most popular classes. I have found that parents really want to start their kids learning manners when they are young and I agree that the earlier, the better.

There are some things that I would like to blog about... in particular, I would like to continue to discuss manners and etiquette in our society today. I would also love to share the story of how me and my family were asked to be on a Reality TV show called "Wife Swap". Oh, I know you are probably saying,"What is a woman who goes to church and teaches manners and etiquette doing on a show called Wife Swap ?", and I intend on telling you the whole neat story plus a lot of inside information about being on the show. I am also going to be sharing about my family, parenting challenges and how it feels to almost be an empty nester. So, stay tuned. Thanks for reading and God bless you!

Kindest Regards,
Ms. Lydia